i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
