i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
