whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
