I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
