Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
