Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
