Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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