So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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