my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
