Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
