stop calling my apartment porn island.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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