You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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