Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
