Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Randomize
