Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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