and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize
