I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
