the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize