Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Randomize