Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
