you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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