I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Verdict: uncircumcised.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
