How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
