so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
