i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Randomize
