Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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