Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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