also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
