We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
