i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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