why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
