I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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