You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
