The best revenge is premature balding
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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