Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
