Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
