my vag is so smooth its legendary
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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