my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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