Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize