wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
