I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
