I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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