So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
