when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
FUCK WHALES
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
