Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
