Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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