So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
you never un-have a 4some
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
