Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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