i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
