Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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