A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize