dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
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