Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
