Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
