What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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