i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Randomize