drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
