The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
