somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize