Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Are we still banned from the library?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
