I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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