R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
