guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
