An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
