Dual....:-)
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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