oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
where are you?
Hypothermia
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
