Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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