I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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