please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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