I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
