this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize