I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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