She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
as a side note pls kill me
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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