remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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