Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
